Friends with Dementia

When a parent is diagnosed with dementia, you can't help but begin to second-guess your own mind. "Where did I set those important documents? Who was I supposed to call? I know that person, but for the life of me, I can't remember their name. Oh my gosh, do I have dementia too?" In reality, you have to be rational and know that these things can be hereditary. Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia at a young age of 74...dementia can happen to people in their 40s. I thank God that I have such wonderful friends to talk to about this. While golfing with a few of my girlfriends, the topic of memory loss came up. They all understand, to a certain extent, what Mary and I are going through with mom. I told them how I fear at times that I, too, am getting dementia. I forget things. It's scary. I can't tell you how relieved I was when Karen told me that she can be really forgetful at times as well. Yay! (I’m reminded of the phrase, “Misery loves company.”) She forgot a woman's name and missed an entire sermon at church just trying to remember it. Karen said she literally had to go through the alphabet, letter by letter, until she picked the correct first letter of the lady's name. By the time she figured it out, the pastor's sermon was just about over! So while enjoying our day of golf, Christine, Diane and Karen were good to remind me that forgetfulness can simply be a sign of stress or age or early signs of menopause. Yes, we forget things. We don’t see so well anymore either. And sometimes, if we laugh hard enough, we hollar for the panty liner! My girlfriends reassured me that forgetfulness doesn't always have to mean dementia, but if it did, we would all be friends with dementia together!

Abortion

Today, my mother said to me, "I should have had an abortion rather than bring you into this world." Now, most of you are probably thinking, "What the hell kind of mother says a thing like that to her child?" When I secretly sent my sister, Mary, a text telling her what mom had just said, her reply was, "Wow". What a bitch." My immediate reaction was to just laugh. Was I hurt by mom’s words? Only a little. I know in my heart she didn’t really mean them. I'm learning that a disease like dementia will make even those whom you know love you say the meanest things. Mom was having a bad day and she fully intended to take it out on me. I totally got that. This blog is a journey for two sisters whose mother has been recently diagnosed with vascular dementia. It’s quite a ride. There are days when we are worried, days when we are sad, days when we are frustrated, days when we have unanswered questions and days when all we can do is laugh. The ride is much worse for mom. Mom became a bit cynical as she aged, but she always loved a good laugh and was never afraid to laugh at herself. Mary and I are taking this process seriously. Who wouldn’t? But our motto from the start has been, “If we don’t laugh about this, we’ll just cry.” We’d rather see the humor in what we are going through...and so would mom.